by Dianna Ricci

I must confess I used to expect the worst from every man I came into contact with. 

I had been hurt so many times I didnt even want to go back to that, even though it was a different person.

 It felt like somewhere in my subconscious I deserved that lack of respect, love, interest

 and even mistreatment. That was until I got to the point to realizing they were not the problem;

 it was all me! Yes, shockingly I was the problem. At some point, I started living in fear of punishment. 

The punishment was the fear of hurt. Somewhere along the way I had come to believe 

the lie that I was unlovable; that I would never get the love I was looking for 

or deserving of. 

People told me I was asking for too much, so "take what you can get" they'd say.

I have proven them and myself wrong. Having been made perfect in God's love, 

I know I can be mature in my expectations of others 

and realistic about what they are capable of giving. I no longer pursue relationships with others who are incapable of giving me the love I need; especially deserve. 

I am able to love because the love I hold for my soul (which is all of me) comes first;

 it is a joyous place full of rich relationships that before I might have overlooked. 

I am now on a different level because I recognize my own beauty and self worth;

 I am self loved.